you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
