i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
