I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
