are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
