jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
