I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
