If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
