cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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