hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
