have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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