you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize