my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
