the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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