i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
