i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
