I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need to sanitize my soul.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
