So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
