I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
