all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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