I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
