he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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