well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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