Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
one might say we're banned from that church
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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