On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
