hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
