yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
