I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
