Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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