Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize