u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
