don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
