the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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