my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
