I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
