I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Randomize
