I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
