Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
