You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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