420 ftw
What a fucking waste of an outfit
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
