Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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