she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
