Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think my moral compass just broke
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
