i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
