don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am mentally ready for anal.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
