my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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