I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
