I think im going to throw up on grandma
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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