I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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