You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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