I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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