So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
