For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
