The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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