She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
