She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
