Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
