Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize