i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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