I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
