I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
