You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
