My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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