Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
