god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize