she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
