Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
