I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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