i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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