you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i think my cat just said my name.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
