apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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