Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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