I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
