i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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