your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
