I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
