when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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