I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
