Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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