she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
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