So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
