yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Who died my cat blue again?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize