be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
