When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
