Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
