What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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