we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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