She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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