They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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