two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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