Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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