In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
