Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize