I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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