After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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