if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
