first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
