are you still at the devil's house?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
