Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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