..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
