moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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