Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize