ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
