Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
