If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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