I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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