Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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