he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
