We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
