Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
