Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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